I'm a music-lover. I think I'm even an audiophile Lol. But music can portray so much, and can get things IN us much better than words alone. Put plain words to sound and music, and you've got yourself a sure-fire way to get what needs to be said, said and hopefully stuck in the hearts of others. So I felt the need to share this new song by Jeremy Camp, called "Jesus Saves"
Monday, June 07, 2010
Saturday, June 05, 2010
Must Lead
This post comes in a much different tone than the last one. God has truly struck my heart once again to the calling He has set for me. That is, to lead.
Now note that to be a leader is not the same thing that so many people think it means. When some people think of leading or being a leader, they think "commander" or someone who tells people what to do or is an overseer or something like that. Many people, especially those who have not lead, tend to think leading means never having to do things yourself but rather getting others to do things while you sit back and "manage" them.
But that's far from true. True leaders learn to follow, and are humble, and meekly have authority. That is: TRUE leaders. Leaders . . . can be properly explained in Matthew 20:25-28
Matthew 20:25-28
"But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many."
So, with that out of the way . . . I'm truly having to re-learn what God has had to pound into my hard head over and over and over again and again throughout my life. I'm seeing it more and more, and this time around I really need to hold onto this truth and start walking in the calling God has given me!
When I was a child, a kid, even before I got saved, I seemed to lead. I was the type of kid who befriended the friendless, was always seen as some sort of leader by other kids around me--even the older kids around me! I ended up really abusing that though. I learned how to manipulate people like none other, and caused so many kids to go down a path with me that I wouldn't wish on my enemies: sinful addictions that have been named to be the worst and hardest to abandon . . . I messed up so many :( But a side-thought, I never thought of myself as some sort of leader or anything of the sort.
Then fast forward to when I was eight, right about to turn nine years old. God opened my eyes to what I was doing, and what was going on around me. He opened my eyes to the wickedness around me . . . and in me. I had said the sinner's prayer when I was four years old. However, I did absolutely nothing to actually live for God or give my life to Jesus. But this time around, I truly realized everything and gave my life to Jesus. I begged for forgiveness for what I had done all the years of my life, and told Him that I wanted Him to completely control me. I wanted to give HIM complete control. "Jesus, move my hands, feet, talk for me, I give up everything. You do everything for me, because I mess things up so much when I try it on my own." He quickly forgave, washed me clean, and gave me a new start. I knew I had to stop what I was doing. However, that was probably the first time I truly understood what it means by "easier said than done." I tried so much to leave behind the things I had done. But it seemed to get harder to do as time went on, and it seemed to only grow more and more in my life. I ended up living a double life: Serving God, and giving in to my old ways, and hiding it so well that people wouldn't guess I'd ever be such a way. But that's not the focus right now.
When I actually gave my life and decided to follow Christ Jesus, I also learned the definition of rejection. My old friends rejected me (which, admittedly was on me because I was deciding to leave the things I was doing, in order to serve Christ Jesus). Friends, even family, and even strangers seemed to reject me. This is where things got complicated and . . . odd. The "leadership" I had seemed to get cast aside as people rejected me. Yet at the same exact time . . . it didn't stop at all! I always had a hard time explaining, that I was rejected, and yet at the same time people saw me as a leader and all like before . . . but then just now I realized it's not all that hard at all to imagine. I'm reminded of Jesus. He was both loved like crazy and hated beyond comprehension. So yup, not hard to figure out in light of Him!
In all my life though, I never sought any sort of leadership position or anything. I never saw myself as a leader or anything. However, in school, outside of school, everywhere it seemed I was always PUT in leadership roles without asking for it. I excelled in school regarding grades and yet I didn't study (I learned to pray). In groups, I was always put as the leader. Even when not technically the leader, when one was picked, the group always looked to me to give them direction and everything to help them out. Yet again, I was ALWAYS someone who preferred to stay back in the shadows and whisper the answers to others before hiding again. I never wanted to be seen . . . I was far from "clean" so to speak. I had enough problems and troubles and faults and sins to last several lifetimes (even as a kid. I'd say it's hard to imagine the trash I was into and how often I indulged, but I don't want anyone to imagine such trash!), so who in the world was I to try to lead, and probably end up ruining everything or causing more harm than help! I felt that I messed things up enough on my own, I didn't need to lead others and affect others. But . . . I was always cast into some sort of leadership role.
I remember taking one of those silly quizzes when I was in my later teen years, seeing what character you were in a film or something (I'm sure you know the ones, popularized by social networks like Myspace and Facebook). It was a movie I had never seen before, and I took it for no particular reason, just to pass time and for fun and all. I laughed and showed my results to my mom and she made the comment "Why are you always placed as someone who is the leader but doesn't necessarily want to be the leader?" That actually surprised me and made me stop and think. That was actually true! I was thinking about my life and everything and it certainly seemed like that! I never much thought about it till that time. Of course, it was only in passing and I quickly forgot all about it and continued as usual.
Fast forward again to my first job (actually . . . my ONLY paying job, since I've only worked there). Within 12 days (of which I actually only worked about 4 or 6 days), my boss came to me and asked me to take a manager position! It was a new store, just opening to the public, and with 20 other employees he decided to ask me into a manager position (the other manager was facing health issues and she had to resign). Again, a leadership position! I had to resign a couple years afterward, but then once again was put in in. I think that happened Three or Four times even. And today I'm working at that place again because last November he called me and asked me to help him out, at least just temporarily. I agreed to, temporarily. It's not the same position I was when I left, technically, but then once again it's still a leadership position and the the pay is more and the other employees look to me as though I were the manager.
Leadership positions have always been in my life (from big to small, from work to even online forums where I've become admins or some other type of leader in the community). I've never asked for them either, but God somehow put me in those positions throughout my entire life. He was teaching me how to handle it, and teaching me so many things I can't ever imagine BEGINNING to list them all.
But I've got a major problem. I'm hard headed. Extremely hard headed. And I never seem to feel worthy or able to be any sort of leader at all! I tend to back down it seems from such times when I really shouldn't back down from opportunities where someone needs a leader. I tend to second guess myself. I tend to believe "No one wants to listen to me, I'm a loser, nobody, nothing!" (I really am not worthy of any leadership position. However, that's what God has called me to, and so I'll do what HE wants, and where I fail and lack, HE picks up and continues.)
A couple months back God had to snap me out of it and tell me basically "You don't have time for this! Quit messing around, beating yourself up, and playing games with what I've given you! People are needing you and time isn't waiting!" I was gung-ho when He told me that. I snapped out of it, and started looking toward what He had for me. Then, I messed up, and lost that steam. And yesterday I once again read something that struck me in the heart so strongly I could barely sleep! I couldn't figure it out though, but the longing, the necessity, everything, was not just tugging at my heart, but yanking and pulling me to cry out to God for answers on what in the world to do!! Today I was still seeking those answers, and God brought me to two songs that truly did answer what I needed, and spurred this post too.
God has called me to a leadership position. What exactly? That's not entirely known. He's shown me things I'll do and everything, but details, not so much. And I really don't need to know details, so long as I simply seek God and to do what He wants on a daily basis. He'll do the rest.
But God's calling on me is so much different from others. I've often wondered about that and asked God why and how and why can't I just find someone who could walk with me in the same calling or SOMEthing--some sort of guide or something to help hold me up . . . But, so far nothing. At least nothing in the form of a person. Only God. And that's what I grew up with: Only God.
Some, actually a lot of people, have always felt as though I was lifting myself up as something special when I mention that the calling God has for me is different. But let me say this: Different, does not mean better or worse. Equality does not mean equal worth, nor does different or special mean greater worth or lesser worth! Rather, it simply means: different. It's like man and woman. They are not "equal" in the sense that they are not different. They are VERY different! And in a world where people are trying to erase the line of difference between man and woman and make them interchangeable . . . it's a farce attempt! But just because man and woman are different with different ways of thinking and body builds and everything . . . does not mean they are not equally worthy! One is not better than the other at all. But back to what I stated about my calling.
When I finally gave my life to Christ, I told Him I wanted HIM to control me completely. I wanted HIM to overwhelm me and I wanted to disappear into Him. I don't have any hobbies or concerns of myself that I want to obtain in life. All I want, is what God wants. And God explained that it was that very prayer, that is why I am called to such a different calling than I see in others. And that isn't a bad thing.
Now, I just have to walk in it. I have to stop listening to the lies of the enemy . . . and sometimes that enemy isn't the devil, but my own self!
So this post is set as a reminder to myself. I need to walk in the calling God has set for me, and stop playing games or hesitating. So here I go. I'm jumping in with both feet . . .wondering how big of a splash this is going to create!
~In Christ,
Michael
Now note that to be a leader is not the same thing that so many people think it means. When some people think of leading or being a leader, they think "commander" or someone who tells people what to do or is an overseer or something like that. Many people, especially those who have not lead, tend to think leading means never having to do things yourself but rather getting others to do things while you sit back and "manage" them.
But that's far from true. True leaders learn to follow, and are humble, and meekly have authority. That is: TRUE leaders. Leaders . . . can be properly explained in Matthew 20:25-28
Matthew 20:25-28
"But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many."
So, with that out of the way . . . I'm truly having to re-learn what God has had to pound into my hard head over and over and over again and again throughout my life. I'm seeing it more and more, and this time around I really need to hold onto this truth and start walking in the calling God has given me!
When I was a child, a kid, even before I got saved, I seemed to lead. I was the type of kid who befriended the friendless, was always seen as some sort of leader by other kids around me--even the older kids around me! I ended up really abusing that though. I learned how to manipulate people like none other, and caused so many kids to go down a path with me that I wouldn't wish on my enemies: sinful addictions that have been named to be the worst and hardest to abandon . . . I messed up so many :( But a side-thought, I never thought of myself as some sort of leader or anything of the sort.
Then fast forward to when I was eight, right about to turn nine years old. God opened my eyes to what I was doing, and what was going on around me. He opened my eyes to the wickedness around me . . . and in me. I had said the sinner's prayer when I was four years old. However, I did absolutely nothing to actually live for God or give my life to Jesus. But this time around, I truly realized everything and gave my life to Jesus. I begged for forgiveness for what I had done all the years of my life, and told Him that I wanted Him to completely control me. I wanted to give HIM complete control. "Jesus, move my hands, feet, talk for me, I give up everything. You do everything for me, because I mess things up so much when I try it on my own." He quickly forgave, washed me clean, and gave me a new start. I knew I had to stop what I was doing. However, that was probably the first time I truly understood what it means by "easier said than done." I tried so much to leave behind the things I had done. But it seemed to get harder to do as time went on, and it seemed to only grow more and more in my life. I ended up living a double life: Serving God, and giving in to my old ways, and hiding it so well that people wouldn't guess I'd ever be such a way. But that's not the focus right now.
When I actually gave my life and decided to follow Christ Jesus, I also learned the definition of rejection. My old friends rejected me (which, admittedly was on me because I was deciding to leave the things I was doing, in order to serve Christ Jesus). Friends, even family, and even strangers seemed to reject me. This is where things got complicated and . . . odd. The "leadership" I had seemed to get cast aside as people rejected me. Yet at the same exact time . . . it didn't stop at all! I always had a hard time explaining, that I was rejected, and yet at the same time people saw me as a leader and all like before . . . but then just now I realized it's not all that hard at all to imagine. I'm reminded of Jesus. He was both loved like crazy and hated beyond comprehension. So yup, not hard to figure out in light of Him!
In all my life though, I never sought any sort of leadership position or anything. I never saw myself as a leader or anything. However, in school, outside of school, everywhere it seemed I was always PUT in leadership roles without asking for it. I excelled in school regarding grades and yet I didn't study (I learned to pray). In groups, I was always put as the leader. Even when not technically the leader, when one was picked, the group always looked to me to give them direction and everything to help them out. Yet again, I was ALWAYS someone who preferred to stay back in the shadows and whisper the answers to others before hiding again. I never wanted to be seen . . . I was far from "clean" so to speak. I had enough problems and troubles and faults and sins to last several lifetimes (even as a kid. I'd say it's hard to imagine the trash I was into and how often I indulged, but I don't want anyone to imagine such trash!), so who in the world was I to try to lead, and probably end up ruining everything or causing more harm than help! I felt that I messed things up enough on my own, I didn't need to lead others and affect others. But . . . I was always cast into some sort of leadership role.
I remember taking one of those silly quizzes when I was in my later teen years, seeing what character you were in a film or something (I'm sure you know the ones, popularized by social networks like Myspace and Facebook). It was a movie I had never seen before, and I took it for no particular reason, just to pass time and for fun and all. I laughed and showed my results to my mom and she made the comment "Why are you always placed as someone who is the leader but doesn't necessarily want to be the leader?" That actually surprised me and made me stop and think. That was actually true! I was thinking about my life and everything and it certainly seemed like that! I never much thought about it till that time. Of course, it was only in passing and I quickly forgot all about it and continued as usual.
Fast forward again to my first job (actually . . . my ONLY paying job, since I've only worked there). Within 12 days (of which I actually only worked about 4 or 6 days), my boss came to me and asked me to take a manager position! It was a new store, just opening to the public, and with 20 other employees he decided to ask me into a manager position (the other manager was facing health issues and she had to resign). Again, a leadership position! I had to resign a couple years afterward, but then once again was put in in. I think that happened Three or Four times even. And today I'm working at that place again because last November he called me and asked me to help him out, at least just temporarily. I agreed to, temporarily. It's not the same position I was when I left, technically, but then once again it's still a leadership position and the the pay is more and the other employees look to me as though I were the manager.
Leadership positions have always been in my life (from big to small, from work to even online forums where I've become admins or some other type of leader in the community). I've never asked for them either, but God somehow put me in those positions throughout my entire life. He was teaching me how to handle it, and teaching me so many things I can't ever imagine BEGINNING to list them all.
But I've got a major problem. I'm hard headed. Extremely hard headed. And I never seem to feel worthy or able to be any sort of leader at all! I tend to back down it seems from such times when I really shouldn't back down from opportunities where someone needs a leader. I tend to second guess myself. I tend to believe "No one wants to listen to me, I'm a loser, nobody, nothing!" (I really am not worthy of any leadership position. However, that's what God has called me to, and so I'll do what HE wants, and where I fail and lack, HE picks up and continues.)
A couple months back God had to snap me out of it and tell me basically "You don't have time for this! Quit messing around, beating yourself up, and playing games with what I've given you! People are needing you and time isn't waiting!" I was gung-ho when He told me that. I snapped out of it, and started looking toward what He had for me. Then, I messed up, and lost that steam. And yesterday I once again read something that struck me in the heart so strongly I could barely sleep! I couldn't figure it out though, but the longing, the necessity, everything, was not just tugging at my heart, but yanking and pulling me to cry out to God for answers on what in the world to do!! Today I was still seeking those answers, and God brought me to two songs that truly did answer what I needed, and spurred this post too.
God has called me to a leadership position. What exactly? That's not entirely known. He's shown me things I'll do and everything, but details, not so much. And I really don't need to know details, so long as I simply seek God and to do what He wants on a daily basis. He'll do the rest.
But God's calling on me is so much different from others. I've often wondered about that and asked God why and how and why can't I just find someone who could walk with me in the same calling or SOMEthing--some sort of guide or something to help hold me up . . . But, so far nothing. At least nothing in the form of a person. Only God. And that's what I grew up with: Only God.
Some, actually a lot of people, have always felt as though I was lifting myself up as something special when I mention that the calling God has for me is different. But let me say this: Different, does not mean better or worse. Equality does not mean equal worth, nor does different or special mean greater worth or lesser worth! Rather, it simply means: different. It's like man and woman. They are not "equal" in the sense that they are not different. They are VERY different! And in a world where people are trying to erase the line of difference between man and woman and make them interchangeable . . . it's a farce attempt! But just because man and woman are different with different ways of thinking and body builds and everything . . . does not mean they are not equally worthy! One is not better than the other at all. But back to what I stated about my calling.
When I finally gave my life to Christ, I told Him I wanted HIM to control me completely. I wanted HIM to overwhelm me and I wanted to disappear into Him. I don't have any hobbies or concerns of myself that I want to obtain in life. All I want, is what God wants. And God explained that it was that very prayer, that is why I am called to such a different calling than I see in others. And that isn't a bad thing.
Now, I just have to walk in it. I have to stop listening to the lies of the enemy . . . and sometimes that enemy isn't the devil, but my own self!
So this post is set as a reminder to myself. I need to walk in the calling God has set for me, and stop playing games or hesitating. So here I go. I'm jumping in with both feet . . .wondering how big of a splash this is going to create!
~In Christ,
Michael
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